Wednesday, November 29, 2017
Hot Mess Mama: Don't read this.
Hot Mess Mama: Don't read this.: There seems to be a trend. It started simply enough, a few artistic types looking for ways to express themselves. Jot down a few words, sh...
Hot Mess Mama: Coffee in the locker room
Hot Mess Mama: Coffee in the locker room: Sitting in the locker room, pulled up a stool, sipping Folgers coffee out of a Styrofoam cup. Gulping down the caffeine while I can. No ti...
Hot Mess Mama: Dead end road to perfection
Hot Mess Mama: Dead end road to perfection: Little girl runs by. Pink boots, leopard leggings, puffy vest. Mamas little helper as she offers to get 3 cups of water for her family. T...
Hot Mess Mama: I used to have time.
Hot Mess Mama: I used to have time.: I used to have time. Time to sit. Time to sleep in. Time to think about myself, my future, my life. I no longer have time, every moment ...
Hot Mess Mama: Heart of my heart, me to the bone.
Hot Mess Mama: Heart of my heart, me to the bone.: Now sitting in the kitchen surrounded by sacred silence, and the aroma of fresh, hot, black coffee. Beautiful baby girl sleeping after an e...
Hot Mess Mama: Lost Zen
Hot Mess Mama: Lost Zen: I lost my Zen some where today. Not sure when, or how. Just that it was some time between beautiful baby girl spilling searing hot coffee ...
Hot Mess Mama: There used to be a time................
Hot Mess Mama: There used to be a time................: There used to be a time when image was everything. Fit in, don't fill out. Clean pressed, and smartly dressed. Missed opportunities o...
Hot Mess Mama: Manipulating Media
Hot Mess Mama: Manipulating Media: The balance between loving and loathing, thinning the line one magazine article at a time. The bipolar lens of who we should be, bombarded ...
Hot Mess Mama: Timer
Hot Mess Mama: Timer: The timer buzzed and the rest of their breakfast went into the garbage. Tired of raising my voice, tired of them not making a choice. Tire...
Hot Mess Mama: Epic Fail
Hot Mess Mama: Epic Fail: Sometimes you just fail. Today was one of those days for me. I got so caught up in the tasks at hand, and finally tackling the laundry mou...
Hot Mess Mama: Things I used to take for granted................
Hot Mess Mama: Things I used to take for granted................: Peeing alone. Long baths. Late nights. Sleeping in. Hot coffee. Alone time. Silence. Date nights. Clean hair. Clean cloth...
Hot Mess Mama: Depreciation
Hot Mess Mama: Depreciation: Out with the old, in with the new. Why is new always best? Cheap, prefabricated, pop together IKEA veneer. Nothing sturdy, sound, and ful...
Hot Mess Mama: Awake Daughter
Hot Mess Mama: Awake Daughter: The white witch is dead and with her demise comes a sigh of relief from my inmost parts. Permission to smile, laugh, gaze and dream begins ...
Hot Mess Mama: Walk
Hot Mess Mama: Walk: Tired of the empty rhetoric, posturing for control with words. Not convincing anyone due to the lack of substance in your step. What if we...
Hot Mess Mama: One of those days..........................
Hot Mess Mama: One of those days..........................: It has been one of those days. Nothing of note that should trigger the avalanche of emotion hidden beneath the surface. Trying to keep a ca...
Hot Mess Mama: Jump off the tight rope.
Hot Mess Mama: Jump off the tight rope.: The rubber meets the road and suddenly good intentions and ideals are hard to find. The balancing act begins between life and idealism. So...
Hot Mess Mama: Transparency
Hot Mess Mama: Transparency: Lord save me from myself, my good intentions and misplaced emotions. The coffee is growing cold and my feet are warm under the covers. Han...
Hot Mess Mama: Never ending..........
Hot Mess Mama: Never ending..........: Sometimes it is daunting looking at a blank screen, so many thoughts and nothing to say. Tired eyes that will soon be closing and taking th...
Hot Mess Mama: Lauging at the days to come.....
Hot Mess Mama: Lauging at the days to come.....: There is no balance in life. This myth of balance has overtaken conversation. If only we can strike the right combination, the perfect re...
Hot Mess Mama: Higher Ground
Hot Mess Mama: Higher Ground: Somewhere in the middle and there is no place for me. Left or right, front or back, watch the pendulum swing. No mans land, neutral ground...
Hot Mess Mama: Filling the inbox
Hot Mess Mama: Filling the inbox: You are sitting next to me right now and are 4 years old. Your thumb is in your mouth as you wait patiently for me to be done. It has bee...
Hot Mess Mama: Page in a book...........
Hot Mess Mama: Page in a book...........: Papers of the heart, found loosely kept in the pages of a book. Tendrils of life and death interwoven with the memories they drum up. The ...
Hot Mess Mama: Hard Stop
Hot Mess Mama: Hard Stop: This is a different kind of tired, not just a mere weariness of the body, but an ache that reaches down deep. Andrew and I have always been...
Hot Mess Mama: Not Easy
Hot Mess Mama: Not Easy: There is a lie out there, it permeates our first world minds, leaving a bitter taste whenever challenged. It is the lie of ease. Somewhere...
Hot Mess Mama: Sleep
Hot Mess Mama: Sleep: Sleep evades me. We used to be so close she and I, it was easy. Like a small child passed out in the back of the car, carried up the stair...
Hot Mess Mama: Where we left off
Hot Mess Mama: Where we left off: I lost you somehow, right through my fingers. Some losses are easy to loose, the bonds are broken and the heart strings removed. Not so wi...
Hot Mess Mama: Freely given
Hot Mess Mama: Freely given: My heart is not my own. I gave it away piece by piece to those around me. Small children of my womb, loving husband, sister, mother, frien...
Hot Mess Mama: In regards to gardening...........
Hot Mess Mama: In regards to gardening...........: I am purposefully ignoring the laundry piled next to me on the couch, sunshine and laundry never mix in my world. Perfection would be the w...
Hot Mess Mama: The second year of marraige.
Hot Mess Mama: The second year of marraige.: For many the life we live is not for them. When the fact that our family of five lives with nine other adults comes up in conversation most...
Hot Mess Mama: Loving and Hating July
Hot Mess Mama: Loving and Hating July: Part of me hates July. It leaves a sour taste in my mouth as I think of Joi and Levi. I had forgotten exactly what day it was due to all ...
Hot Mess Mama: Forgive us
Hot Mess Mama: Forgive us: I have been thinking. Thinking about all of the violence that happens, and how it inflames our personal biases. A tragedy happens, lives a...
Hot Mess Mama: Cromwell Harvest Fest: Deep breathes
Hot Mess Mama: Cromwell Harvest Fest: Deep breathes: Getting ready to leave for the weekend. Up north, hometown, small town, harvest fest, might even check out the football game. I never thou...
Hot Mess Mama: There will always be laundry.
Hot Mess Mama: There will always be laundry.: Thoughts have been piling up in my brain lately, just getting to sorting them. Like the abandoned laundry pile that has been moved to the g...
Hot Mess Mama: I would never...........
Hot Mess Mama: I would never...........: I have grown accustomed to day old coffee, preserved in a jar in the fridge until it is called upon once again. Reheating it in the microwa...
Hot Mess Mama: I am tired.............
Hot Mess Mama: I am tired.............: There are many things going on lately, most of them lying beneath the surface, quietly wrestling in my mind late into the night. Sleep does...
Hot Mess Mama: Thy kingdom come............
Hot Mess Mama: Thy kingdom come............: As a mother of 3 small children I wonder what it would be like to loose one of them. But I can't dwell there for long.because the despa...
Hot Mess Mama: What my Pinterest page tells me............
Hot Mess Mama: What my Pinterest page tells me............: Kids in the tub, legos on the table and cold coffee in my cup. Little miss decided that her lunch was better off on the floor, and it is st...
Hot Mess Mama: Goodbye Facebook news feed!
Hot Mess Mama: Goodbye Facebook news feed!: I distinctly remember the day I saw technology in a new light. I was walking down the hallway at college about 10 years ago and I saw 3 peo...
Hot Mess Mama: Power of choice.........
Hot Mess Mama: Power of choice.........: There are moments that open our eyes to the frailty of human kind. Even as I sit here typing with one hand simply because of a fall, I grie...
Hot Mess Mama: Bread crumbs on the table.
Hot Mess Mama: Bread crumbs on the table.: I am not sure how it happens, but it does none the less. Little things pile, small pieces of a busy life, a full home are left lying around...
Hot Mess Mama: I really don't care what the media has to say........
Hot Mess Mama: I really don't care what the media has to say........: Billboards bombarding bombing my eyes with navels and drivel of how perfection ought to be and them saying thats not me Women's eye...
Hot Mess Mama: Sweet and Petite
Hot Mess Mama: Sweet and Petite: I've got this little girl named Fern. Sweet and petite, feisty and spicy, with a quirk all her own. There is this little thing about t...
Hot Mess Mama: Fresh snow
Hot Mess Mama: Fresh snow: Snow is falling. It brings freshness to my soul. I grow tired of dingy, brown winters. They feel as if we are stuck, not moving forward. ...
Hot Mess Mama: One is harder then Three
Hot Mess Mama: One is harder then Three: I need a break from my baby right now, so I ran her a shallow tub and let her play. Every couple of minutes she yells mama in a pathetic to...
Hot Mess Mama: The opening piece I wrote for my sermon....
Hot Mess Mama: The opening piece I wrote for my sermon....: My children leave traces of themselves all around. Littered about the house. Doodles in my sketchbook, stickers on my dresser, muddy footp...
Hot Mess Mama: Sifting
Hot Mess Mama: Sifting: I have come to this blank page several times in the last 2 months, it greats me coldly, daring me to type. I leave it there not having a s...
Hot Mess Mama: random words
Hot Mess Mama: random words: I have this deep desire to throw words at page and see what sticks. To unleash all the thoughts that mash around in this brain of mine, and...
Hot Mess Mama: Reflection in the mirror.
Hot Mess Mama: Reflection in the mirror.: I looked into the mirror tonight, long and hard. The fine lines are growing deeper, skin tougher, eyes bloodshot. This is not self loathin...
Hot Mess Mama: Remembering Joi
Hot Mess Mama: Remembering Joi: I remember you. I remember your Joy, your love, your compassion. I will continue to remember you. Not all is rose colored, least of all y...
Hot Mess Mama: If only....................
Hot Mess Mama: If only....................: I got what I wanted. This is it, the life I pined for in my early twenties, overtaken with romanticism and optimism. I wanted a husband, c...
Hot Mess Mama: Folding the fitted sheets.
Hot Mess Mama: Folding the fitted sheets.: The children are playing in the laundry, so far they have showed enough restraint to stay away from my folded piles and are currently rollin...
Hot Mess Mama: Deep Breath
Hot Mess Mama: Deep Breath: Swimming is quickly becoming part of my rhythm. Wrapped in the cool quiet. No sound, just water, breathing and thoughts. Swimming is of c...
Hot Mess Mama: 2 am
Hot Mess Mama: 2 am: I have become well acquainted with this time of night as of late. Sleep has never been easy, and has been growing increasingly more difficu...
Hot Mess Mama: Small things
Hot Mess Mama: Small things: The moment my life ended and the world continued without a pause, I was stunned. To have something so valuable taken and no one to take not...
Hot Mess Mama: What ifs at 1 am.
Hot Mess Mama: What ifs at 1 am.: I am not sure if I am in the right mind to type right now, sleeplessness has once again over taken my life and all the social filters have b...
Hot Mess Mama: A God who moves mountains.
Hot Mess Mama: A God who moves mountains.: Moving mountains has never been my thing. People say its all the rage, getting the big stuff taken care of, but for me it never happened. ...
Hot Mess Mama: Thank God we don't get what we ask for.
Hot Mess Mama: Thank God we don't get what we ask for.: We will celebrate 13 years of married life this Tuesday. We have grown together in such a way that I cannot imagine myself with anyone else...
Hot Mess Mama: Stepping out on the waters................
Hot Mess Mama: Stepping out on the waters................: There is a bin in the basement, at the bottom right hand corner of some shelves in my unused pottery room. The contents contain hope and fr...
Hot Mess Mama: Healing
Hot Mess Mama: Healing: The surgery is good, helpful, therapeutic, and life giving. But in the moments after the surgery, when the anesthesia wears off, there is t...
Hot Mess Mama: Side by side
Hot Mess Mama: Side by side: There is something about the quiet moments side by side. The comfort and trust. The complete comfort around each other. The lack of need...
Hot Mess Mama: Loved so deeply...........
Hot Mess Mama: Loved so deeply...........: The passion that Fern loves me with can at times be overwhelming. Wanting no one else when I am around, clinging to me, crying for me, call...
Hot Mess Mama: First day................
Hot Mess Mama: First day................: The twinge lessons with each child. I remember Ezekiel's first day, waking early, picking the clothes, marking everything with his name...
Hot Mess Mama: The world is so big, and I am so small.
Hot Mess Mama: The world is so big, and I am so small.: Article after article, post after post, heartbreak, soapbox's, lifestyles, crafts, ways of living........... So many things, and only o...
Hot Mess Mama: Hard choices.............
Hot Mess Mama: Hard choices.............: There are moments when choices must be made........ To lay down something that you love for something that you hope to love again. It is ...
Hot Mess Mama: Forever in our hearts..........
Hot Mess Mama: Forever in our hearts..........: The lonely ballerina plays as I type. It is haunting, achingly beautiful. Sounding within a deep place of the soul. The choreography acro...
Hot Mess Mama: ........................................
Hot Mess Mama: ........................................: I have nothing to say, yet the word bubble up inside. This drive to create, to speak, to act, when all else says "No". In discov...
Hot Mess Mama: Just the beginning of a thought, more to follow.
Hot Mess Mama: Just the beginning of a thought, more to follow.: Thinking often and often late at night has become the rhythm of my nocturnal life. Scrolling through a page with faces of my past, happines...
Hot Mess Mama: Soon.....
Hot Mess Mama: Soon.....: I feel it. You are not alone little ones. The days are bright, warm and full of promise as you pull on your school uniforms, and step insi...
Hot Mess Mama: Mundane
Hot Mess Mama: Mundane: Beauty in the mundane..... How? Why? I am much more drawn to things of the romantic persuasion. Give me life, give me death, just don'...
Hot Mess Mama: Finite
Hot Mess Mama: Finite: Things are broken We are broken Celebrating life and mourning death We are never prepared All die, and yet...... Yet war against i...
Hot Mess Mama: The Devil Can Go To Hell
Hot Mess Mama: The Devil Can Go To Hell: The scream bubbled up from within, originating from my toes, from the empty aching place in my chest, shook my body and the filled the car. ...
Hot Mess Mama: My People
Hot Mess Mama: My People: I have a people, a tribe, a family. They stay. They comfort. They sit. They listen. They give. They love. They stand. They speak.......
Hot Mess Mama: Turn
Hot Mess Mama: Turn: My children are at the age where Sunday school answers are the norm, neat and tidy. So it should have been unsurprising that when asked for...
Hot Mess Mama: Swimming to shore....
Hot Mess Mama: Swimming to shore....: I probably need therapy.... Treading water, keeping my head above the waves, getting knocked down over and over, always surfacing and survi...
Hot Mess Mama: North Shore
Hot Mess Mama: North Shore: The north shore is intoxicating to me. Wild beauty, lost adventure, edited memories...... I find myself craving the water, rocks, culture,...
Hot Mess Mama: Jesus and Appliances
Hot Mess Mama: Jesus and Appliances: 10% off if you love Jesus. A nudge from a brother to get that shiny new fridge, ordained by God in my Craigslist query. 666 results to my ...
Jesus and Appliances
10% off if you love Jesus. A nudge from a brother to get that shiny new fridge, ordained by God in my Craigslist query. 666 results to my search (serious here), washers, dryers, whirlpool and Frigidaire. Gleaming and glittering idols of domesticity. Just say the words and reward will come, a small nudge to put the customer base on auto-repeat. No real knowledge of the condition of the heart, this good intention to bless falling on empty resonance. When there might not be any resemblance of faith in the day to day life, the mundane, the dishes, laundry, the muttered phrases, the bellows of frustration as you reach in the fridge to find an empty milk jug, slamming the door of your glittering idol standing there as your 10% reminder of the words you spoke.
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