Friday, May 27, 2016
I feel it. You are not alone little ones. The days are bright, warm and full of promise as you pull on your school uniforms, and step inside. You are done with it, as am I. We hold our breath and wait for summer vacation to begin. I miss you while you are away from me at school and long for summertime adventures, no schedules, swimming, gardening, picnics and the ability to be spontaneous once again. Be patient boys we are almost there.
Thursday, May 19, 2016
Thinking often and often late at night has become the rhythm of my nocturnal life. Scrolling through a page with faces of my past, happiness or at least the appearance of it. I am either more truthful or less happy now........ Honest assessment, and a plan to move on. Self care is an elusive thing, I cannot seem to figure it out. Mani's and pedi's just aren't my thing. I know that I lack it, yet I don't crave it. There has to be more then just consuming and grooming on the occasions that I do not have children. It may be filling the void, but does not nourish the soul. I look at the life I live and wonder how it appears to my children, what passions do they glean from me? A tidy house, a prompt bedtime? My soul withers if that is all my life conveys. I used to be......... More. Now I am second in every way, and this is not the right way. Give me water, bring me to life and I will pour that life into my children. I used to think that I had to give up the things I love for the people I love. But now I am starting to see that I merely need to take them on the journey with me.