Tuesday, February 17, 2015
My children leave traces of themselves all around. Littered about the house. Doodles in my sketchbook, stickers on my dresser, muddy footprints in the kitchen, mittens and coats everywhere, and cheerios as far as the eye can see. Tangible pieces strewn about as if to say.... I am here, see me, hear me, touch me, love me. The traces on my heart run much deeper. I am forever changed by their sticky little fingers, gooey kisses and lazy morning snuggles. I see the world differently now, they have changed my vantage point, my understanding of God, of love, of joyful sacrifice, and forever left a mark upon my heart which cannot be erased.
Friday, February 13, 2015
I need a break from my baby right now, so I ran her a shallow tub and let her play. Every couple of minutes she yells mama in a pathetic tone just to let me know she is still here, and to ask why I am not entertaining her. Truth be told I have never been good at entertaining my children, and am a firm believer in good old fashioned boredom to inspire creative play. The boys are both at school and so Fern does not have her big brothers to entertain her. All that she has is me, and I am not enough some days. Some days I am tired, others I am busy, some days I am missing a friendship that has slipped away. On those days I am not enough for Fern, thankfully she has 2 wonderful brothers who adore her, tolerate her and entertain her. When Zeke was little it was just him and I, he was a hold me baby and a mamas boy. It seemed as if I were unable to complete basic life tasks, he just needed/wanted me all the time. I remember the day I decided that more then one child was the way to go. I was shopping with my sister and our babies sat side by side in the shopping cart. Zeke was so happy to be next to his cousin, the shopping trip was a dream. I knew that we couldn't just have one child, it wasn't for Zeke's sake, but rather for mine. Now with three our house is chaos at times, but rarely am I expected to entertain the little ones. They are off playing with legos, telling Fern not to knock them over and then building structures for her to knock over. Shrieks of joy and indignation come close together, wrestling, hugging, baths together.......... Life together. I am a better mom now that I have three, because I don't need to be one child's everything. The boys will be home from school soon and I am thankful, because truly one is harder then three.
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
Snow is falling. It brings freshness to my soul. I grow tired of dingy, brown winters. They feel as if we are stuck, not moving forward. It should be spring, but the ground is too cold and hard for life to come forward. And then the snow falls and I am reminded that there is beauty in this season, it covers the ugliness until it is time for the thaw. The fresh snow reminds me of beautiful moments of the past, hikes, skiing, snowboarding dates, snowmen that have eyebrows like Opa. This time is not bad, but it is not spring. This moment is good, and I don't want to taint it with past ugliness or future uneasiness, but rather drink in the beauty of the falling snow. Knowing that spring will come soon enough, in its own time, and I need not rush it. All that I need is to savor this moment and cast off the rest.