Hard choices.............

There are moments when choices must be made........  To lay down something that you love for something that you hope to love again.   It is a hard choice.  But I trust that God will meet me here, in this place of complete dependence on him.  I decided a month ago, but have waited till now so that I could tell the teens and my peers first.  I don't know what I was expecting as I typed the emails, something, anything I guess.  I got nothing, and I found that I had made the right choice.  Too many evening full, too many double bookings, too many no shows, too many teens looking up to me all the while feeling a fraud.  If you only knew how small my youth group is, how I struggle to get them to any events at all, I am not as awesome as you think.  Camp was the high and low this year.  I found myself wildly cheered for by 100 or so youth every time I went to the stage.  It unnerved me deeply, they don't know, not really.  And while I found it very lovely to be loved so well during that week, I knew it must come to an end.  The debate has been happening for some time in my head and heart, and finally twisting my ankle one day showed me how thin I was spread, and how easily I could come undone.  You can't pour yourself 100% into 2 ministries.  And the choice needed to be made, do I stop community living or step down from ministry for a time?  I chose the latter.  I do not know what this year will hold, but I will try to immerse myself in things that bring life and joy to me, trusting that God will meet me in this place, even if I don't know exactly where it is that I am.