Power of choice.........

There are moments that open our eyes to the frailty of human kind.  Even as I sit here typing with one hand simply because of a fall, I grieve the loss of another friends baby and am struck by how finite we are.  We can fight against it, speak of how horribly unfair it is and attempt to draw out our lives for as long as possible.  Yet we will still remain finite, fragile and all too human.  It would be easy to slip into a nihilistic view of life, but that would only trivialize our existence all the more.  Powerlessness creates impotence.  And so I choose to believe in the Infinite God.  I choose to trust.  The power of this choice breathing life into my existence, giving me reason to continue.  And hope for a future.

Goodbye Facebook news feed!

I distinctly remember the day I saw technology in a new light.  I was walking down the hallway at college about 10 years ago and I saw 3 people walking side by side.  I could hear the echos of their conversations as each one of them was talking on their cell phone.  So close to each other and at the same time so incredibly far.  It shocked me, just like the first time someone texted on their phone while I was having a conversation with her.  And I knew that this thing that was designed to bring connection would soon be forcing us apart.  It is easier then ever to be connected with the world, to find those that we resonate with, to look up a long lost friend, to check a status, to read a text, and to fill our minds with countless hours of drivel.  I am just as guilty.  The personality tests that all tell me the same thing, the cute animal videos, the blogs that just happen to align perfectly with my world view........  If I don't like what I am reading I can close the window, unfriend another human being, and continue to block out all that would disagree with me.  No tough conversations face to face, only trolling and ignoring.  So completely connected outside of our immediate community, and so distant from our neighbor.  Even now as I am writing this I find myself hopping between this page and another as the ping sounds letting me know that I have a message asking me when I will post the Christmas Party photos.  I am the trained rat, jumping at the bell, pushing the button for a reward, and this lets me know that something must be done.  I can no longer let myself binge and purge on the emptiness of social media, feeling as if I have experienced an emotional roller coaster each time I hop on my news feed, flooded with images trying to sell me a new me.  Nothing good enough, always wanting more, nothing that lasts.  In the last few months we have had the privilege to commune with some Amish and Anabaptist friends.  While the Amish are a horse and buggy community, the Anabaptist have not completely sworn off technology (they use it as a tool) but do not use it for personal recreation.  These worlds views that they hold to are challenging to think of, but I respect them greatly.  The main reason being the quality of time that we have spent with these brothers and sisters.  Since they are not shackled to cell phones and computers they are free to dive in to conversation.  Our time with them was highlighted with deep theological talk of non violence, seeing them dig into the scripture at the breakfast table, playing games late into the night, and whole heatedly flipping pancakes as Bliss and I organized breakfast.  There was a spark of the divine in them that I can not ignore.  They are people fully present in the moment, not distracted by the noise of the world because they trained their ears to hear the voice of God.  They have turned their eyes upwards to glimpse what God may have to say about all these things going on in the world, and while I may not desire to be so inwardly focused all the time, I cannot deny the wisdom in limiting my exposure to the noise of the marketplace.  How am I to hear the voice of God, when I spend all my time listening to the world.  The time has come to choose where my heart lies.  Is it tying connections to people that I have never met?  Or is it investing in my family, church and community.  Digging into the issues that affect the people who walk down our sidewalks every day.  Seeing a spark of the divine in each as they pass.  They are his children too.  Or have we so quickly forgotten the maddening simplicity of Gods love, mercy and forgiveness for ALL.  The time have come to stop the constant feed of spiritual junk food on my life and dig into the bread of life.  How will this look?  More writing, more reading of the word, much less time on the computer, and giving up my Facebook news feed.  I will still use technology as a tool to stay connected, but the black hole of my time has to end.  My hope is to still share little family moments with you (photos and updates), to be able to send you messages, and to share my heart on this space.  But the endless hours of mindless scrolling must come to and end.  My hope is that as a result people will see in me that same spark of the divine that I saw in our dear friends.  Peace be with you.

What my Pinterest page tells me............

Kids in the tub, legos on the table and cold coffee in my cup.  Little miss decided that her lunch was better off on the floor, and it is still there.  If she is gonna eat things off the floor it may as well be her lunch.  The boys went through this phase too, she is so similar to them in her development, her speech progression, her walking, her sweetness, her feisty side.  People ask me how it is having a little girl, and so far I can't say that it is very different.  The battles are the same, the love is the same, but my Pinterest page is not.  While on the boys clipboard I have adventures, learning tools, imagination play, super heroes and so on......  Ferns is much different.  And I suddenly understand what to guard her against.  Her clipboard is nothing more then a fashion spread.  Now granted I have very little pink on it, and pin the edgier girl clothing, but it still smacks of superficiality.  Perpetuating that lie that girls need to be pretty.  Women are beautiful and it is a gift.  I think of some of my youth group girls and all the different types beauty represented.  They have strength, dignity, they are smart, sassy, loving, kind, and compassionate.  Such beauty and it has nothing to do with appearance.  Lord forgive me for limiting my dreams for Fern to fashion and accessories.  She is so much more then that, she is an amazing creation, made in your image and you have a plan and purpose for her life that does not hinge on her fashion sense. 

Thy kingdom come............

As a mother of 3 small children I wonder what it would be like to loose one of them.  But I can't dwell there for long.because the despair would be too much.  Think about that.  We can't even imagine it.  That says something.  It is a feeling no mother ever wants to feel.  Yet so many have.  My heart aches so much lately for the mothers who have tragically lost their children.  I feel so inadequate to help.  I have 3 small children of my own and there are many things that I simply cannot be a part of, but that doesn't mean that I can't do "anything".  I can uplift, exhort, encourage and love.   I can remove myself from power to make a space for others who could use the platform better.  My goal is too help in such a way that my position disappears and my privilege vanishes.  While I may not be able to be on the front lines the way I interact, speak, love and serve may be able to empower those who hold the line.  Jesus come.  I long for your justice.  I long for you to linger in my words, to speak life and not death.  To lift up those who we have been trampled for so long.  Come and step on my back, take my cloak, and don't mention my name.  Know that you are loved and cherished.  An apology is not enough, the thought does not count!  Actions speak louder then words and humility cannot be fabricated.  We shall know the truth and it will set us free.  Open our eyes, open our hearts and free us from the love of power and control.  They kingdom come.  Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.