Sunday, March 23, 2014

One of those days..........................

It has been one of those days.  Nothing of note that should trigger the avalanche of emotion hidden beneath the surface. Trying to keep a calm demeanor and not let on. Yet it has been one of those days.  Deep breathing followed by jaded thoughts, aimed at everyone and no one.  One of those days where I can not explain what I am feeling because I don't even know what it is.  Typical woman, the phrase makes my mouth sour and my brain explode.  That I may be behaving in a typical way that gives precedence for stereotypes that mar women as emotional, unattainable, and not being able to be fully understood.  And yet it has been one of those days where I barely understand myself, and fear for Andrews life every time he opens his mouth.  Poor soul, not him, just me.  If only the catalyst were known to me.  Perhaps I do know but am unwilling to put words to it.  Admitting that something so seemingly insignificant could have such a tole on my demeanor smacks of weakness and kills me inside.  That I would seek such trite forms of validation, recognition?  I do not seek the praise of man, and yet I lap up the words all at once and internalize them or rather the lack of them.  Words have power, whether present or absent.  Sometimes the lack of them can hurt all the more.  Perhaps it is for the best that this day just end in the hopes that tomorrow will not be one of those days.

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