Thursday, May 19, 2016

Just the beginning of a thought, more to follow.

Thinking often and often late at night has become the rhythm of my nocturnal life.  Scrolling through a page with faces of my past, happiness or at least the appearance of it.  I am either more truthful or less happy now........  Honest assessment, and a plan to move on.  Self care is an elusive thing, I cannot seem to figure it out.  Mani's and pedi's just aren't my thing.  I know that I lack it, yet I don't crave it.  There has to be more then just consuming and grooming on the occasions that I do not have children.  It may be filling the void, but does not nourish the soul.  I look at the life I live and wonder how it appears to my children, what passions do they glean from me?  A tidy house, a prompt bedtime?  My soul withers if that is all my life conveys.  I used to be.........  More.  Now I am second in every way, and this is not the right way.  Give me water, bring me to life and I will pour that life into my children.  I used to think that I had to give up the things I love for the people I love.  But now I am starting to see that I merely need to take them on the journey with me.

1 comment:

  1. I feel you.

    "I merely need to take them on the journey with me." this is very good. going to think about this one for a while.