Thursday, May 19, 2016
Just the beginning of a thought, more to follow.
Thinking often and often late at night has become the rhythm of my nocturnal life. Scrolling through a page with faces of my past, happiness or at least the appearance of it. I am either more truthful or less happy now........ Honest assessment, and a plan to move on. Self care is an elusive thing, I cannot seem to figure it out. Mani's and pedi's just aren't my thing. I know that I lack it, yet I don't crave it. There has to be more then just consuming and grooming on the occasions that I do not have children. It may be filling the void, but does not nourish the soul. I look at the life I live and wonder how it appears to my children, what passions do they glean from me? A tidy house, a prompt bedtime? My soul withers if that is all my life conveys. I used to be......... More. Now I am second in every way, and this is not the right way. Give me water, bring me to life and I will pour that life into my children. I used to think that I had to give up the things I love for the people I love. But now I am starting to see that I merely need to take them on the journey with me.