Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Deep Breath

Swimming is quickly becoming part of my rhythm.  Wrapped in the cool quiet.  No sound, just water, breathing and thoughts.  Swimming is of course a loose term here, as I more float and glide then plow through the waters with a destination in mind.  The time passes quickly and I am sure that there is someone waiting for my lane.  As a child I was not a strong swimmer, I could get by but was spent by the time I reached the raft.  First times are always full of trepidation.  Can my body do it?  Will it hold me?  Can I hold it?  Stepping out on the water with nothing but trust and hope.  I watched Leif jump off the diving board last week at swimming lessons, the goal to come back up on his own and tred water.  Needless to say I could barely watch, even though there were two swimming instructors in the water waiting for him to jump.  He was perfectly safe and in good, well trained hands.  My heart hit the back of my throat as he splashed in and the few moments that it took felt like an eternity, soon he broke back up through and the instructors cheered him and guided him back to the edge of the pool.  I breathed, realizing that I had been holding my breath with him as he hit the water.  He was breathless when he came to me at the end of the lesson.  Pride swelled from every fiber of his being, the feeling of accomplishment and bravery evident.  I realized that I had almost robbed him of this moment, wanting to protect even though he was safe.  I could have asked him not to do it, but then he would not have known what he was capable of.   My protecting him could ultimately hurt him.  One day he will jump in when there are no swimming instructors to cheer him and guide him.  One day he dive into a life of his own.  Will I have protected him too much?  Or shall I let him step out on the waters while it is still safe to see what he can do.  If it will hold.  Tomorrow I jump into something new.  Organization has never been something that drives me, but leadership and family do.  This VBS is a stepping out on the waters for me.  My only prayer is that as a dive in there will be someone cheering and guiding me along.  Deep breath.

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