Hard Stop

This is a different kind of tired, not just a mere weariness of the body, but an ache that reaches down deep.  Andrew and I have always been high tolerance people, going, doing, being, working, teaching, helping, building, cleaning, fixing............ Finding the limit, pushing the boundary.  Like a small child testing where the limit lies.  Learning the borders, the gaps, the soft places.  Where can we tuck in more?  More people in ours lives, more yes answers, more evening commitments.  More time is the one thing we cannot have, it is the hard stop in our daily lives, managing it well is a challenge. 

Page in a book...........

Papers of the heart, found loosely kept in the pages of a book.  Tendrils of life and death interwoven with the memories they drum up.  The beat of it swelling, overwhelming.  Each person a page, a cup of coffee, a conversation or two.  Some take up chapters, some a paragraph, all are part of the story.  Leaving a mark, setting a tone, finding the beat.  The heat is thick tonight, stifling.  Not very good if you sleep on the 3rd floor, or more accurately don't sleep.  I don't like blankets, especially on my feet, this weather blankets me with an unwanted covering.  I am falling out of love with social media, falling out of love with polarizing posts, duck faces, prom photos, graduation photos...........  The like, wish that there was an unlike button some times.   People that I love, faces that I know, almost as if I don't know them when I view the snippets of their lives that they choose to share.  What happened to the heady feeling of good conversation and responsive dialog?  It is a vintage almost unknown to some now.  I am just as guilty of the crime, caught in the world wide web, posting, sharing, pinning things to later induce parental guilt.  Watching peoples passions, convictions Eb and flow at the touch of a button, the flicker of the screen.  The pendulum swings, the populous reacts, and back we swing again.  As a child I would soar, closing my eyes, letting the wind sweep over me, the dappled light changing with the swaying of the world around me.  Simplicity, joy, peace.  It has been years since I have swung with the recklessness that only youth allows.  I see it in Leif as he runs full out and leaps into the swing.  I see the excitement in Ferns eyes as she lets the wind wash over her, and Zeke as he leaves the world behind for some other place.  The swaying, the rhythm, the gust of wind, the dappling of light, the moment of life that fills a page in my book and a place in my heart.