Tuesday, November 25, 2014

I am tired.............

There are many things going on lately, most of them lying beneath the surface, quietly wrestling in my mind late into the night.  Sleep does not come easily, and so I seek help to reach that wonderful rest.  Running away from the internal ramblings of doctrine, racism, fellowship, worthiness, calling, balance, family and unrest.  Many things could be said, probably should be said.  Too many evening commitments until fellowship runs thin as I am not really there.  Mainly I am tired.  Tired of trying.  Tired of making peace.  Tired of worrying what others will think.  Tired of weighing the ramifications of every word that I speak.  Handsome husband gets the brunt of it, as he is the only one it is truly safe to fully express myself to.  It is not fair to him or me.  Something has to change.  I don't know what.  But this tiredness cannot continue.  In the bad moments I am tempted to quit all my obligations outside of family and just rest.  I enjoy my loved ones so much, I wonder what it would be like sometimes if my only focus was the relationships that I count dearest, husband, children, God, myself.  What would that even be like?  I am not sure, but I am tired.

1 comment:

  1. If only we were all so honest ...... I pray that you will find that much needed rest.