Friday, September 5, 2014
Cromwell Harvest Fest: Deep breathes
Getting ready to leave for the weekend. Up north, hometown, small town, harvest fest, might even check out the football game. I never thought that I would be here, looking forward to being back. You may say that no one fits-in in high school, every one is odd. But let me tell ya, I didn't fit in, not just in the "she doesn't party" way, or the "she goes to that weird pentecostal church" way, but in almost every way conceivable. We graduated in the "Football is life!" time, everyone was an athlete (or at least it felt that way). Organized sports and I have never gotten along. Having me play basketball was like watching a train wreck. I came in last in the 2 mile every single track meet for an entire season, and had the distinct privilege of being on B team volleyball my senior year. I breathed art, loved the odd ones out, and spoke openly about Jesus. For years the idea of seeing the guys from my graduating class made my stomach hurt. I was the running joke, people would get teased that they liked me, and I was not afforded my first name. I was Wieditz, weed-whacker, weed, wee-tits, you name it. I just didn't fit, and even though I consider myself a country girl at heart lets be serious I definitely wouldn't fit now. But that doesn't bother me anymore, I realized the reason I didn't fit was because I belonged in a different puzzle. And when that revelation came I saw my teenage years differently. Yes I was the odd one out, but also kept myself out. Its not a bad thing, it is just the way it was. Just like my classmates were not bad people at the time, they were just teenagers trying to figure life out as well. I genuinely look forward to seeing people this weekend. The benefit of growing up in a small town is that you never forget each other and like it or not you always have heart ties. And while I still may need to take a deep breathe before talking to the guys and remind myself that we have all grown up, I know that my validation does not need to come from this place and that sets me free to enjoy it all the more. Wish me luck.