Monday, April 28, 2014

Lauging at the days to come.....

There is no balance in life.  This myth of  balance has overtaken conversation.  If only we can strike the right combination, the perfect recipe, the zen moment in our lives, then we will reach parenting nirvana, womanly bliss, marital perfection, all while keeping a clean house and a toned tummy.  Well I will call it what it is, a fairytale.  A damaging, guilt inducing, confectionery disaster.  Sometimes you can't have balance, life throws an avalanche at you, and you are just scrambling to get out of the way.  Not thinking "How can I pare down on the snow in this spot, or reroute my resources?", just moving instinctively to preserve life.  Life is full and good, hard and overwhelming, stretching and testing.  Daily pushing at the boundaries, testing the limits, increasing the tension.  I would have my life no other way, even though there are moments that make me question why I bother.  I know that it is good, there is a purpose, and out of the hard places comes new life and growth.  Turning up the dross in my heart, testing my motivations, checking my attitudes and my pride at the door.  This is no trite, self glorification where I am my own salvation, and the world must hold its breath as I find myself, and the balance within.  The elusive myth of perfection.  It is daily picking up, laying down, shutting up, putting up with, humbling oneself and asking nothing for what you give.  Doing the work because it needs to be done, not because I feel like it.  Entering into the relationship not for what it gives me, but rather for what I can give.  Giving, serving, sacrificing, there is no balance in these things.  I choose to be a giver and not a taker, this is the price that I am willing to pay.  I don't want to be centered on myself, self centered.  I want to be fully in the tension, acknowledging the moment, and entering into the fray of life.  Finding life in the middle of the storm, flourishing in the chaos, buffeted and strengthened by the blowing winds.  Coming out on the other side and laughing at the days to come.

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